Yesterday I got a rolling-through-a-stop-sign warning from a sheriff biting around town and I wish his car was armored so I could’ve held my gun sideways and fell on the pavement of the First Baptist Church doing that shit for the people working day-out and day-in and there are two First Baptist Churches in Clinton on the same street running back and forth two blocks from each other on the same street running back and forth.
Anyway, I wanted to say something about how I was put in the plastic-y backseat of a PD car when I was 15 and I was so terrified not even the other terrified guy in the backseat was terrified because believe me but all we got put in the back seat for was my friend Andrew driving my friend-by-circles friend Melissa’s car and he didn’t have a license but she was fat and let him because she was two years older than us and we were the only straight male friends she had at the time but I wish her the best. I remember the backseat was tan like the African safari cars at the Fort Wayne Children’s Zoo, the same cars a couple from “In the Company of Men” rode in (wooooops I hit caps lock a sec ago and it pissed me off but i went on like wo who says like wo Mya is too old to be quoted unless you host a show after Conan and I almost said let’s not go there but let’s not, let’s, let’s? let’s) and you should see that and I’m proud of The Fort for holding that shit down and Ben, the kid in the backseat with me, and I talked while the dickliver cop interrogated Andrew and let some assdeath metal play while Ben and I sat there and shitsweated pellets.
Andrew was funny he liked hardcore at a time I desperately wanted to like hardcore but never did and was nervous about liking punk even though the upcoming band at least in the Christian scene was his it was called Jesus Loves Me and everyone at least in the charismatic-let’s-get-revival-and-spark-the-youth-for-the-kingdom-of-god-and
-push-an-ideology-most-attractive-to-a-13-year-old-boy-or-49-year-old-divorced-
woman-with-lupis anyway they recorded a CD from probably their parents money because mom band members pushed the religious card to dad breadwinners who pushed bread to kid band members who recorded a CD who early teen listeners were excited about as they were about the track hidden track that had one of the band member’s little brother’s the lead singer’s little brother sing “Jesus Loves Me” as a hidden track in this super religious/haunting way and we were all like YES in this religious/haunting way but it was in a nothing/heartfelt way not at all. And Vineyard churches did anyone go to a Vineyard church (?) if you did you’d know something about a Vineyard church and how they’re southern baptist churches for young ArtistTypes which has to make all the sense you could find in a complete six set of bongos.
And Andrew was big on abstinence big on not having his dick touched by the slutty girls with skinny torsos even though we would order soft porn on pay-per-view channels on his parents credit card that came up anonymously or in denial and I remember I remember that’s when one night when he had even gone to bed I saw the first live and by live I mean video recording of a woman touching another woman and it was all I thought it would be and sweet jesus small god all men wish it was that again.
And Andrew played guitar and went on to let everyone down except for his great-aunt who thought well there’s something that should be in between but there wasn’t it was just him and some supplement income and a gig there or here and a maybe a 12-hour-a-week part-time at a Christ-approved workplace, and he sang and dry humped a guilty girl and married her later even after he saw her mother, the mother she’d become.
And Andrew and Andrew and andrew grew up terrified (,) regretted, flipped through his yearbook for pictures and sang.
