Archive for May, 2005

CC(A)-Rider

May 31, 2005

Suggesting further that Director of Seminars Tim Caspar doesn’t give a fuck or is, possibly, a horrendous bigot, here are some excerpts from my A-garnering essay for the “War on Film” CCA lecture series:

“As a glaring point of misunderstanding, there is a scene [in Grand Illusion] where an American is rude to a Frenchman. Though it is somewhat minor, it goes to show the trouble with their understanding of the greatness of America and the necessity and opportunity of fighting for a great cause.”

“The film [Zulu] is wonderfully shot and shows the courage and honor of war. It is fun to watch Chard and Bromhead pick these traits up and lead the charge against the Zulus, who are portrayed as equally noble. This is the major qualm I have with the movie…Not to say that those African people were completely unjustified in their attacks, but they were, let’s face it, the attackers on the well-meaning British occupying forces. Further, Americans watching this movie will obviously, naturally, and probably rightly associate with the British side, so to act as though the other side was equal and could actually be right is likely false and may be detrimental to the American spirit as the country tackles the current war.”

“He repeatedly found fault with American war films, especially World War II films, for depicting the enemy as largely evil. My question for Mr. Cowley is: so what? These were groups of people who were threatening to destroy American lives — the very people trying to spread freedom and democracy to them. If that does not sound evil, I don’t know what does.”

“If films were made like they were, for the most part, in World War II, then many leftist liberals could hopefully grasp with their Ivy League educations how good and even inspiring a war can be when fought for democracy and freedom. Then, for once, their degrees would be going to good use.”

What’s Going On?

May 30, 2005

Bring them home, now.

A-Spoken

May 29, 2005

Err on the side of elitism and refuse to see a movie whose tagline (“Rules were meant to be broken”) sounds like a denim-jacket-Christian-rock-anthem chorus. Let’s see if I can finish the refrain:
Rules were meant to be broken,
Unto you these words were a-spoken,
He left his cross as a priceless token,
And from the grave he has awoken.
Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

I’m of course talking about Lords of Dogtown, which apparently under the impression that extreme sports, 70s nostalgia, and Heath Ledger are still hip. They might as well give out a commemorative hemp necklace with every ticket purchase.

Windy City Macbeth

May 24, 2005

Who decided…
-allergies were nerdy
-x was the edgiest letter
-wingdings shouldn’t be used for algebra

My girlfriend couldn’t believe that men could be such dicks as to have their trucks purposefully modified to sound muffler-less. Maybe it’s the same impulse that drives a reasonable gent to make Philistine innuendos against when he knows a woman will interpret it as such.

I saw “I’m looking for you” spray-painted in red on a neighborhood garage door and couldn’t help but feel threatened.

The tragic life and times of Carl Winslow.

Medium UPdate

May 22, 2005

David Mamet, for his unpardonably goobery works Heist and State and Main and for forcing me to even contemplate requesting a refund for a dollar rental at Video Stop, is the worst director of the last fifteen years.

Listening to: Brazilian Girls
Reading: Catch-22
Watching: Northfork
Most recently applied to: Extra-Clean carpet cleaners
Most recently burned on: forehead
Most recently ate: ice cream sandwich

Your Aunt’s Chrysler

May 19, 2005

Every other van in the Midwest seems to be jockeying for the position of most socially concerned automobile, via magnetic ribbons. It started on trees, non-magnetically of course, and found the fertile soil of war-time suspicion in the paint of your aunt’s Chrysler.
There was the classic yellow that got militant or grungy and found wide popularity backdropped in the flag.
But then there was a bit of a crisis because, what if, you would like to cover your trunk in all different ribbons? Hmm. Well, there’s one for the stuffed animal religious type and another for the righteously indignant.
Then it’s time to turn to other noble platforms concerning breast cancer, abortion, autism, cystic fibrosis …and bragging, factions, pet gender reassignment, and the fine city of Pittsburgh.
And in case you’ve forgotten to let someone know just how bad you feel about something, there’s the catch-all, “I care.” What a bleeding heart you must be, suffering from trauma only equaled to those who show their unique sentiment over NYC with a gif broken heart.

Metamucil and a Step Stool

May 13, 2005

Ralph, my ten-year-old seventeen-pound long-haired orange tabby, now has to have Metamucil sprinkled on his food because of digestive problems. Due, also, to Ralph’s rear hip arthritis, the vet recommended a small step stool for the litter box.

Daniels! What are the governor & co. of my methed-out state up and going to sneak through the legislature when I’m off distracted with higher education? Daylight-saving time heresy, of course. You see, a large portion of Indiana is markedly badass in this department–as in we never change our clocks. But there have always been dickcramps untrue to the spirit of their Hoosier identity, wanting to go forward or back a Central or Eastern hour whenever the whim catches them. This will not stand.

When you put the question like: ‘what would Shawn Hunter think about my receding hairline?’, it only makes the situation more difficult. Shit, Mr. Turner was rockin solid into his well-gelled mid-30’s.

On this day, in the year nineteen hundred and eighty-three, onto you I was given

May 10, 2005

I’m 22, bitches.

Tiskit, Tasket, Biscuit, Basket

May 9, 2005

Defend all you want, but would you love them as basket cases?

Like this Maryland case, whenever there’s a legal wrangle (I’ll say wrangle) over sex-ed curriculum, I get to feel especially snide libertarianism.
That makes me think of my favorite Madvillain lyric, “Remember our vacation out to Maryland?”

As Dan Greene said, Facebook is the new black. I made an account so people can see just how many friends I’m able to collect….er, I mean, I’m above all that sophomoric shit, hoo-ah.

Sweet as bee piss. Tomorrow = end of finals + my birthday (+ you).

-It’s not melodrama.
-Oh.
-Well?
-Well. Well, you have big brown beautiful eyes and look like the first girl I ever fell in love with.

Five stars are all-stars

May 7, 2005

At the 54th anniversary of Beat Poetry Night, Jon Gibbons read this Christ-winder poem by Lawrence Ferlinghetti, though it can’t quite top Joyce’s “Ballad of Joking Jesus”.

To the death, to the do.

Don’t be a dick/cunt, call your mom tomorrow.

The Soda Jerk Mishap
To 1 beer mug fill:
-1/4 Big Fizz cola
-1/4 red cream soda
-1/2 Five Star whiskey
-crushed ice

3 days until my birthday and the end of school.